Rebekah wears a lot of hats and titles: Mom, Friend, Sister, Daughter, Worker Bee, Chef, Cleaner, Taxi Cab Service, Bookworm to name a few. Beyond all these labels and tasks she is mostly trying to press into her identity in Jesus and who He says she is: “Brave One, Beloved, Cherished, Seen” to name a few.
She’s an extroverted introvert who loves time with family & friends but also cherishes the quiet of an empty house and a good book. Finding the perfect gift for someone is high on Rebekah’s list of things she finds very satisfying, as is pulling off an impromptu party or random rendezvous. She tends to be a do now ask forgiveness later kinda gal. You can pretty much always find her wearing a smile, undimmed by the hard and mess of life, because smiling is free and blesses both the giver and the receiver!
My husband grew up trimming Christmas trees and for many a December he found himself in a warm climate selling NW trees. He is the one who could pick the perfect tree from a bundle in the Home Depot parking lot. He’d then bring it home, trim it and plop it in its stand, string the lights and leave it spectacularly ready for the kids and I to decorate.
Not this year though. This year there’s a big X in front of the word husband. This year I find myself sitting on the couch wrapped in a red and green flannel blanket staring at my slightly askew Christmas tree. The tree my teenage son and I drug through the front door and plopped in the tree stand and then yanked out of the tree stand and back out the door to re-trim and drag back in the house and much grunting and almost toppling over later it is upright and I’m saying, “Whew, that’s good enough.”
Enough. Now that’s a funny word. My littlest, who is still in the process of learning to read, would say it should be spelled e-n-u-f-f. Enough can be a word that expresses satisfaction. Like when we are offered a 2nd serving and we say, “Thank you but, I’ve had enough.” Or it can be a word that declares exasperation. Like when I yell at my children, “Stop fighting, that’s ENOUGH!” It can be a word of resignation, “I guess that’s enough.” Lately the word “enough” has been beckoning to me in a new way. It’s been prompting me to move towards simplicity and an acknowledgement that I have enough. More than enough. Mucho more than enough.
As a newly single woman bearing the responsibility of all the bills and the emotional well-being of my children I feel acutely all the ways I think I’m lacking. I don’t have enough energy, time, money, creativity, arms, gas in the car, sleep, coffee, underwear (is it really time to do laundry again)! I know this feeling is not exclusive to me and venture to guess if I asked for a show of hands of those who feel similarly most of you would gingerly raise yours.
My new mantra is I have enough. I am enough. Not because I’m superwoman or I found a magic wand to grant me all my wishes, but because Christ in me is my hope and my sufficiency.
I have enough. I have enough time to sit down and read a chapter to my child even when my to-do list beckons. I have enough energy to do the next thing. I have enough to share my resources, food and clothes with others.
I am enough. I am not my titles or my accomplishments or my aesthetics or my house or my kids behavior or my marital status or my social circle or the hearts on my instagram post.
So if in this season of Christmas you find yourself not measuring up, feeling lacking or not enough I’d love to encourage you to pause, stare at your Christmas tree if you have one, or someone else’s if you don’t. Notice all the beauty that lies there. The lights. The ornaments, do some of them have stories they represent? The gifts. And maybe your tree like mine is a little imperfect too. But despite the trees imperfection, our imperfections, it’s enough. We are enough.